29 Months Out of Captivity

Today marks 29 months of freedom from deception. It’s a strange mix of emotions. Joy wells up inside me as I think of God’s faithfulness to heal me and restore me during these months. At the same time, it’s sobering to consider the damage that I caused with one bad decision. I praise God for His grace that forgives me for the part I played in the WinePress debacle, and the lives that have been effected by my actions.

Just last week on April 1st was the 4 year anniversary of the completion of WinePress being transferred to the enemy camp. I posted this on Facebook and today am more in awe of His hand in all that I am experiencing.

Four years ago today I allowed WinePress Publishing to be stolen by the enemy, through a wolf in sheep’s clothing named Tim Williams. Of course, it started much earlier than four years ago, but April 1, 2010 was the enemy’s final coup when the ownership of WinePress officially changed from me to Sound Doctrine…from light to darkness.

Up until November 10, 2011, I kept trying to convince myself that I was doing, and had done, God’s will…but praise God He finally allowed the scales to fall from my eyes and gave me the courage to admit how wrong I was—that I had believed a lie to be truth for twelve long years and had hurt many people who loved me in the process.

I’ve spent the last 2 ½ years repenting and healing and learning who God really is…not an angry taskmaster waiting for you to screw up so you can be disciplined until you repent to his satisfaction. No—that is a tragically false picture of our loving Heavenly Father.

I’ve learned anew that our God, Jesus Christ, is a God of grace and truth—a balance of both—a loving Father who encourages us to be who He made us to be, to glorify Him.

On this anniversary of the height of devastation, I am amazed at the restoration God has allowed. In a few minutes we will be doing a ribbon cutting ceremony with City of Enumclaw officials, friends and family, to celebrate the official launching of Redemption Press in my old publishing offices at 1730 Railroad Street in Enumclaw, Washington, (Click here to read the story of how Redemption Press came to be).

He has turned my mourning into dancing, and restored what I allowed the enemy to steal. He is redeeming every area of my life, and for that I am grateful. Truth be told, that word does not do justice to the emotions I feel when I consider all that He has done. He truly has given waters in the wilderness and rivers in the desert…and I can only praise Him for His goodness.

Because I have given waters in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert,
To give drink to My chosen people.
“The people whom I formed Myself,
Will declare My praise.”
Isaiah 43:20b-21

 

 

 

An Amazing Story of God’s Faithfulness

I first attended the Summit (Evangelical Free Church of America) in January of 2012, just 2 months after being delivered from my 12 years in captivity. My good friend Jessica Gambill and her family attended there and I finally decided to go with her to church. I’d finished 2 months of intensive counseling and was ready for the next step. They started a 13 week session on Emotional Healthy Spirituality and it seemed to be just what I needed for the next step of my healing.

Ross would preach about the study topic for the week each Sunday. I can remember sitting there in church and listening to him preach. I’d think to myself, “Lord, can I please have a husband like that some day?” He loved God, was authentic, humble, sensitive, not afraid to admit his faults, and did not have wandering eyes. He loved his wife and family and he loved his flock.

In May of 2012 while all the men were at Trout Bums, I attended a get together of some women in the church. Ross’s wife, Cathy, was there, and about an hour into the evening she said to me “You know, Athena, I told Ross if anything ever happens to me, he needs to marry you!” Needless to say that totally freaked me out and plenty of mind games ensued (does he know that she told me that? Etc., etc.) I found myself distancing myself just because I didn’t know what to do with that information.

Not long after that I got interested in a widower from Colorado and spent the next 6 months waiting and wondering if anything would develop, which it did not…but it’s interesting how God allowed that distraction to keep me busy with other interests so I didn’t think about Cathy’s comment.

Then in November the Lord took me down to Texas to help my brother with our 90 year old Momma who was on hospice. For the 14 months I was there I experienced more healing, bonding with my older brother, and ended up with a radio ministry. On a few occasions I tried online dating and God just shut me down every time. I whined and complained that I’d been single for 14 years and let God know in no uncertain terms that I was ready for a husband! I had no interest in dating unless it was someone I would be interested in marrying. So I waited, and I waited. No dates. No nothing. Intermittent whining to God.

Last summer I reconnected with an old author friend and we had a great friendship. I thought maybe God wanted me to wait for him while he healed from a traumatic end to his marriage of three decades. (see my post entitled “Speed Bumps, Benches and Trees, Oh My!” for a better idea of my struggles with waiting!) This gave me something to look forward to, and I was committed to waiting, thinking that this was God’s plan. I was so committed, in fact, that when I heard the news that Ross’s wife had passed away I freaked out thinking that was a distraction to what God was asking me to do…wait for my friend. So, I decided I needed to draw a line in the sand and let Ross know that I wasn’t available. I wrote him a letter addressing the “elephant in the room” with what Cathy said to him and to me and let him know I felt God wanted me to wait for my friend. His response was gracious. He made sure to let me know he did not find the thought of being married to me unpleasant, and that he wanted to make sure we stayed friends in the future.

By the end of the year God was helping me to see how much I had tried to make this other relationship happen, and I spent the entire New Years’ Eve repenting for idolatry, for pursuing, for assuming I knew what God was doing. I told the Lord, if this is not the man You have for me, then I surrender my will and what I thought my future was going to be like, and I say HAVE YOUR WAY, LORD.

On January 8th I land in the ER and end up having my gallbladder removed. While in the hospital, WinePress announces on their website that they are closing their doors (and of course it’s all my fault). Two days later the question is posed…would I be willing to return to Washington to start a company to help all the orphaned WinePress authors?

I’d been telling God for 14 months that I was NOT returning to Washington…too many reminders of the trauma and the loss and the abuse I’d endured, so when the question came I was a little taken aback. I committed to pray and ask for Godly counsel from my family and others I knew I could trust. All responses were positive, and on January 14 I felt confident that this was God’s will. (You can listen to the podcast of my Always Faithful radio show from February 1 where I told the story of how this all played out).

I had already purchased roundtrip tickets to come to CA and WA to visit grandkids, and all of I sudden I am realizing that I wouldn’t be using the return ticket. As I prayed through the transition to Washington I felt compelled to try to stay under my Commission to Every Nation banner and expand my radio ministry to include publishing. In order to do so, I had to explain my plans to CTEN and my pastoral care couple and see if they would approve it. They asked who I would be accountable to, who would be my pastor and where I would worship. Well, of course I would go back to the Summit…that was my church, and I was returning to Enumclaw to live and work in the same building that used to be mine. My pastoral care couple called Ross and asked him many questions…could I meet with him weekly, and would he be my overseer? He was happy to oblige, and I began to wonder what God was up to!

As my time to travel back to WA drew closer, communication by messaging on Facebook increased, and just before I left on the 23rd of January Ross told me he was glad I was coming back to WA and asked me to call him some evening since he now has so much free time on his hands. This really sent me into a tizzy! He was pursuing me! That was one of the things on my list of what I wanted in a man…if it was really the man God had for me, he would pursue me, not the other way around. I finally got up the nerve to call him while I was traveling to CA and sitting in the Sacramento airport waiting for my shuttle to Redding.

That phone call was a defining moment. Within the first 5 minutes he asked to take me out. My first date in 14 years! And from there we both asked questions to see if each other fit the requirements we each had on our “list”. It didn’t take long to find out each non-negotiable on our lists were checked and confirmed. It was quickly proving to be a perfect match.

Ross picked me up at the airport when I arrived in Washington on January 27. Walking off the concourse and into his arms felt like coming home. We talked for hours and I was stunned at many of the facts I discovered. I found out that Cathy had made a list of potential wives once she knew her cancer was terminal. And who was #1 on the list? Yep. I was. And guess what else? Ross had a sailboat for about 14 years, and when he bought it, the name was, yes, you guessed it…The Athena. He changed the name of the boat, but the curtains on the inside still have Athena embroidered on each one of them…what a hoot!

I also found out that if God hadn’t taken me to Texas, and I was still a member of The Summit, he wouldn’t have been able to date me! There’s an unwritten rule in the church world that pastors don’t date in the congregation because of the tension in causes between people. God took me away and brought me back right at the right time… amazing!

I look back and see that on September 5 my daughter wrote me an email saying that God was releasing the word Marriage to me and is sending me my match made in heaven. I thought it was referring to my friend that I was waiting for, but in reality it was all about Ross and I, but I couldn’t see it. Turns out that word from the Lord through Roby was right after they realized the chemo wasn’t working, and she passed just 25 days later. While God was bringing me to a place of realizing that I’d been trying to make this other relationship happen, Ross was asking God to send him a wife because he didn’t want to spend the summer alone. He even began telling his staff that he was going to get married…he just didn’t know who to yet! All that was going on while I was realizing I was in sin and needed to repent.

There’s so much more to share, but this is the basic timeline of events and a testimony, once again, to God’s faithfulness. We knew pretty quickly that this was it, what we’d both been looking for and dreaming of in a relationship. It just blew my mind that every single line item on our individual lists of what we wanted in a mate got a resounding “check” … God really was blessing me for being willing to wait for the right guy and Ross for being faithful and true for 49 years of marriage.

It was important to wait to announce it to the church family until Ross’s adult children felt good about his decision. That’s definitely the bittersweet part. The kids and grandkids suffered a huge loss, which enabled me to experience great gain. Ross didn’t want to rush them and encouraged each of them to process their own grief in a way that would be authentic. Once that was moving forward and they were all supportive of their dad’s decision, we announced it to the church family on the weekend of March 15 & 16 that our marriage date is set for June 13. 1902986_10200804226623107_1847260727_n While Ross had grieved ever since June of 2013 when the diagnosis first came, there were still a few women in the congregation who felt he was too easily replacing his wife of 49 years. I was so amazed at the analogy God gave Ross to share on that day. He recalled the time when Cathy found out she was pregnant with their second child and was overly emotional. She could not see how she could possibly love another child as much as she loved her firstborn, Bret. But, as time went on, she not only loved Thad well, but Nathan and Elizabeth too. She found she had the capacity to love each child as an individual without taking away any of the love for the others. And just the same with me, Ross’s love for me in no way diminishes the love he had for Cathy for 49 years of marriage.

As I read over all that has happened in such a short time, I stand amazed at the faithfulness of God. In fact, a good friend told me she’d been sharing my story with some ladies, and just how evident God’s blessing is for my being willing to repent and obey His call. She said I’m only the second woman in her life who she knows who walked away from the wrong guy to really get God’s choice. I am SO glad I did…so glad He gave me a tender enough heart to lay down what I thought was His will and surrender all my plans in exchange for His. I am, literally, stunned by the goodness of God!

Podcast from Today’s Show – My Detour into Deception

In case you didn’t get to hear it on Always Faithful this morning (www.alwaysfaithfulradio.com) here’s the podcast of my story…


 

This Saturday, 10/9 – Detour into Deception – on AM 630 KSLR

I’ve been waiting for just the right time to share my story on my weekly radio show, and this Saturday seems to be the time God has ordained for me to do so.

This weekend marks the 2 year anniversary of my deliverance from deception. November 10, 2011 was the day I realized everything I thought was true for 12 long years was actually a lie. Not only a lie, but an extremely abusive, destructive, graceless and legalistic “Christianity.”

How amazing it will be to look back at God’s hand on my life, and see His enduring faithfulness…even during the darkest times of my life, even through losing everything I once held dear, even when I came to terms with the fact that I had been deceived, He was, and is, always faithful.

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How fitting it was for me to spend this morning with Mike Sharpe and his wife, Marna. Mike led me to the Lord 27 years ago and has watched my life take many twists and turns. As I share this Saturday, I’ll start from that point 27 years ago and bring you all up to speed on the mountains and the valleys of my Christian walk, and all that God has done to restore what the enemy attempted to steal from me.

I look forward to sharing my life with my Always Faithful Radio listeners, and hope you’ll be able to join me for Always Faithful this Saturday, November 9, from 11AM to Noon CST on AM 630 KSLR, or streaming live on www.kslr.com or iheartradio.com.

Powerful Article About the Sound Doctrine Sexual Abuse Victim

I so appreciate it when people are willing to stand up and speak the truth no matter what backlash results. The only media source that has reported on the guilty verdict of Sound Doctrine “pastor” Malcolm J. Fraser has been the home town paper, The Enumclaw Courier Herald.

Dennis Box, Editor and friend, is just one of those folks. The “other side” has raked him over the coals on their ridiculously named blog, “The Discerning Times” at http://www.enumclaw.com, as they have done to me as well. Anyone who is willing to report the truth about this group is labeled a “slanderer”, one who is “persecuting” “true” Christianity, and their reputation has been smeared by yellow journalism, half truths, omission, and flat out lies.

What a delight it was to read his latest article entitled “A Young Woman Who Found Courage.”

Reading this wonderful piece of TRUTH resulted in tears of joy…how refreshing…he saw courage in the victim, and displayed great courage in writing this op ed piece.

Well done, Dennis Box. Well done.

 

 

Only What is Helpful for Building Others Up

Dear friends;

Please forgive me for posting those last two articles about the trial…they are totally defiling and don’t build anybody up.

I can see I still have some anger surfacing at the atrocity of it all…but that’s my issue and I don’t need to drag everyone down with me. I apologize for any of you who’ve been exposed to the disgusting recounting of the trial. I’ve deleted them from this blog and my Facebook page.

If anyone wants to keep up with the trial, you can do so at http://www.courierherald.com, but the only thing I’ll be posting after this is the final verdict.

Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

One Year Anniversary – My God is Faithful

One year ago today, I was delivered out of captivity by a mighty God.

Darkness, oppression and hopelessness had become my new “normal” after twelve years of feeding on scriptures presented out of context with an evil motive to manipulate and control (i.e. intimidate).

Imagine my shock when God’s light pierced my world. Squinting at the brilliance of His holiness, I emerged from a deep pit of despair.

Imagine my amazement to find that what I had grown to believe God to be was a complete lie from the pit of hell.

Imagine my relief to re-learn that God’s grace means there is nothing I can do to make God love me more, or love me less, than He already does.

It’s by no accident that this time of year has national historical significance with compelling spiritual parallels.

First of all, this weekend we celebrate Veteran’s Day with those we honor who’ve fought to defend our freedom and lived to tell about it.

Not only did many of my friends and loved ones fight in prayer on my behalf while I was trapped in captivity, but I too fought the war for my soul, and praise God, survived and now live to tell about it.

Another historic occasion that occurred over the 9th and 10th of November was the fall of the Berlin wall. My Facebook friend Brad Sargent shared this with me:

November 9 is considered the “official” beginning of taking down the Berlin Wall, and there is a photo there from November 10th of people WALKING through the infamous Checkpoint Charlie, to experience the freedom of the West. It still took time for a complete dismantling to occur, but the way to freedom had been irrevocably opened …

There’s been much dismantling occurring this past 12 months, and I’m quite sure there is more to come…but the way to my freedom, as well, has been irrevocably opened and I look forward to complete healing and restoration in my future.

How fitting it was that last weekend, as I attended a church service with some very special friends, that a woman quoted a scripture that sliced my heart like a razor-sharp knife.

Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. (Jonah 2:8)

This is a scripture that the cult convinced me to wield as a weapon with which to bludgeon my firstborn son. Since he refused to throw his new bride under the bus (you know, “hate his wife” like Luke 14:26 says he has to do) and come and join the cult with us, he was clearly clinging to a worthless idol (his wife), and forfeiting the “grace” that could be his.

How freeing it was to realize, sitting in that church service last Sunday, that it was really I who was clinging to the worthless idol of Sound Doctrine and the false shepherd that I allowed to become my Holy Spirit. It was I who was forfeiting the grace that could be mine!

Bittersweet.

This is the kind of revelation that hurts and heals at the same time.

What a joy it is to have the Lord continue to undo every scripture wrongly applied in my life.

May I continue to be soft-hearted enough to allow Him to keep showing me more and more of His true goodness and faithfulness in exchange for the lie I believed for so long.

Eleven Month Anniversary – Melt Down

I had a melt-down of sorts a few days ago. A strange mix of emotions that included depression, profound sadness, and a bit of despair. I originally chocked it up to an adrenaline crash after my whirlwind of travel to Dallas and Branson, but I’ve come to realize it really was much more than that.

Today marks my 11 month anniversary of leaving the Christian cult I was trapped in for 12 long years, and as I consider the past months, I am reminded how important anniversary dates can be. In fact, I used to teach veterans and their family members all about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and how things in the environment, as well as the anniversary dates of prior traumatic experiences, can trigger in the present, unwanted emotions and memories.

I started thinking back to what was happening in my life around this time of the month in October of last year, and was shocked to remember that it was one of the most stressful experiences I had endured, as the “Tax Oversight Committee” had finally finished their work and ominously commanded my presence in the WinePress offices. Under scrutiny of no less than 5 other people, I filled out the tax forms for the first quarter of 2010. I was bullied and intimidated into filing my own business taxes (I wasn’t allowed to have a CPA review them for me or get any outside advice at all), and on top of that I was not allowed to even keep a copy of the forms I’d filed. My income was right around $1500 a month and my tax liability was adding up to over $50,000 due to the capital gains that were calculated (even though I only received $10 in exchange for my 3.5 million dollar business!).

It was truly the most bizarre experience I’d ever experienced in my life, and all the while I was being manipulated into taking responsibility for tax liabilities that were not even mine to assume.  And all in the Name of God.  Every move I made was condemned, criticized, and demonized by the very people who I now know to be wolves in sheep’s clothing. One man for years had covered up his own sexual perversion and sick attraction to and vile abuse of little girls, and another who knowingly covered up his crimes. Not only are these men the “spiritual leaders” of Sound Doctrine, but those who manage what continues to be deceitfully promoted as a “Christian Publisher”, WinePress Publishing.

How kind and merciful it was for God to allow me to discover the full extent of the evil and wickedness that reigned in the midst of Sound Doctrine a little at a time. It was shortly after I left that I found out what was done to me with the supposed “sale” of my business to the cult was completely fraudulent and a gross violation of spiritual authority, but then it was five months after I left before I found out about Malcolm Fraser being a pedophile.  I honestly don’t know if I could have emotionally handled learning all of it at one time, so God had to spoon feed the revelation of the extent of the abuse and profound evil over a period of time.

So, should I be surprised at my recent emotional roller-coaster, mostly downward? I think not. When I consider the level of stress and trauma I endured last year at this time, along with the ongoing grieving God is having me work through, and the amazing restoration that God is continuing to work in my life, it’s clearly remarkable that I haven’t been in worse shape than I am. In fact, it is astonishing that I’m not, after all I’ve been through, locked away in a mental hospital.

My God has taken a horridly abusive and traumatic experience and turned it around to glorify His name in countless ways. Not only does He continue to encourage others as I walk through my healing journey with Him, but  I heard only yesterday that one young man who was trapped by the cult for the last six years finally escaped just a month ago, so I can only praise Him that one more captive has been set free.  The exciting part is that this young man was one for whom my friend Cindy Scinto consistently received visions from the Lord about and was urged by Him to fast and pray for him to break free from the horrific abuse he was under in Sound Doctrine.

I continue to pray for the rest of those in bondage, especially my own grandchildren, one of whom is also a victim of the sick pedophile Malcolm Fraser. I pray that they soon will have their spiritual eyes opened and have the courage to walk away from the insanity before it’s too late.

Ten Month Anniversary – You Can See It In My Eyes

Today marks 10 months since God opened my eyes to the deception I’d lived under for 12 long years.

It has been an amazing journey of having literally every scripture that I’d been taught out of context righted in my heart and mind.

The biggest delusion I believed in Sound Doctrine was that my salvation was at risk, and that there was more I had to do to earn it, namely whatever Tim Williams determined was God’s will for my life.

Believing this allowed him the ability to manipulate and control my entire life based on fear.

A close second was that unity with the brethren means you never question any decision or action taken by “the man of God”.

Believing this allowed the leadership in Sound Doctrine to do as they pleased without any consequence on their part.

As I sat in church yesterday and listened as Pastor Ross shared scriptures on unity in the body, it was so refreshing to hear the scripture being preached IN CONTEXT and in a way that builds up believers rather than tearing them down.

And this morning I opened my devotional, Jesus Calling, and I am reminded again that He is always available to me…that once I have trusted Him as Savior, He never distances Himself from me…any distance I feel is just that, a feeling, not to be confused with reality.

Looking back at who I became in those 12 years is sobering. I went from a strong, successful, business owner to one who allowed my emotions to be influenced by a master manipulator, all in the Name of God, leaving me second guessing God’s voice, His plan for my life, and His will for me.

They say a picture’s worth a thousand words. Below you can see the reality of how I was robbed of the joy of my salvation by a wolf in sheep’s clothing. How easily I was deceived because the wolf quoted so many scriptures and “seemed” so godly. But scripture is clear that Satan masquerades as an angel of light…and wasn’t it the Father of Lies who used scripture to tempt Jesus? How true it is that if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!  You can see it in my eyes…the depth of the darkness I believed was enormous.

I am eternally grateful for a faithful God who, ten months ago today, opened my darkened eyes so I could see, gave me the courage to admit that I had been duped, and has since been restoring all that the locusts had eaten.

Nine Month Anniversary – No Risk, No Reward

It was the day I decided to fast from Facebook for a week. My youngest son showed up later in the afternoon and proved to be a wonderful distraction from the withdrawal symptoms I experienced. He mentioned something that really stuck with me…how people go on trips and spend their whole time taking pictures and posting to Facebook instead of just experiencing the beauty and actually being “in” the moment.

That really got me to thinking about how much I miss in my relationships when I am busy taking pictures and posting them with some witty comment. I also had to ask myself how much I really appreciate the moment I am in, the person I am with, the conversation I am having, whether in person or on the phone…or am I thinking in the back of my mind, Ooooohhhh, that would be great to post!

This is so good for me to ponder…especially today. It’s been exactly nine months since I walked away from the most abusive and degrading “church” experience of my life. It takes nine months to grow and birth a baby, so I asked the Lord this morning what it is that has been growing inside me for these last nine months, and is now ready to be “born” in my life.

I felt Him impress upon my heart the word “relationship.”

Before the cult I struggled with being a workaholic, and valuing things over people. After my successful stint (by the world’s standards) in network marketing, I realized all along I had it all backwards. Instead of loving people and using things, I’d been using people and loving things.

Then during my 12 years in the cult I found myself keeping most everyone at arm’s length. Of course, as it turned out, this was a serious defense mechanism to attempt to keep from getting hurt, although they did a pretty good job of destroying me emotionally and spiritually over those years.

So here I am today, learning how to be a real friend to some pretty amazing people. Learning how to be a Mom to my boys and a Yiayia (Greek for Grandma) to my grandkids. Learning how to value the moment I am in with the person in front of me. Loving people instead of judging them or using them. Letting them in rather than pushing them away.

Thinking back on a sermon from a few weeks ago when Pastor Roger preached on No Risk, No Reward, I realized there’s a risk here, because I’ve been so trashed in the past, I could get hurt again, and probably will, since people aren’t perfect. I had to think that through and ask myself some hard questions. Do I want to open myself up to the chance of more pain, more devastation, and more emotional upheaval? Well, no, not really. Who would answer yes to that? But the more I pondered and asked God to work in my heart, the easier it was for me to take a step forward. I have determined that the reward is worth the risk. The reward of having true friendships, authentic relationships…without walking on eggshells or always wondering what the other person is really thinking but being too afraid to ask.

I wondered how all of this translated over to my relationship with the Lord, since I’ve been making a point to spend extra time with Him during my Facebook fast. As I watched the last nine months in movie form before my eyes, I saw how much I risked in being willing to trust Him after all that I’d endured. But with that risk came reward…the restoration and renewal that He has worked so far, and is continuing to work, is an amazing work of a loving Father.

So yes, what is being birthed in my life is a new desire to be “in the moment” with people…to be present, not distracted by social media or other enticements. To risk allowing people into my heart so that, through these rich life experiences, He can teach me to go deep with Him.

It’s an amazing parallel there, what He works in our relationships He also works in our relationship to Him.

Wow. What a good God.