In case you didn’t get to hear it on Always Faithful this morning (www.alwaysfaithfulradio.com) here’s the podcast of my story…
In case you didn’t get to hear it on Always Faithful this morning (www.alwaysfaithfulradio.com) here’s the podcast of my story…
I’ve been waiting for just the right time to share my story on my weekly radio show, and this Saturday seems to be the time God has ordained for me to do so.
This weekend marks the 2 year anniversary of my deliverance from deception. November 10, 2011 was the day I realized everything I thought was true for 12 long years was actually a lie. Not only a lie, but an extremely abusive, destructive, graceless and legalistic “Christianity.”
How amazing it will be to look back at God’s hand on my life, and see His enduring faithfulness…even during the darkest times of my life, even through losing everything I once held dear, even when I came to terms with the fact that I had been deceived, He was, and is, always faithful.
How fitting it was for me to spend this morning with Mike Sharpe and his wife, Marna. Mike led me to the Lord 27 years ago and has watched my life take many twists and turns. As I share this Saturday, I’ll start from that point 27 years ago and bring you all up to speed on the mountains and the valleys of my Christian walk, and all that God has done to restore what the enemy attempted to steal from me.
I look forward to sharing my life with my Always Faithful Radio listeners, and hope you’ll be able to join me for Always Faithful this Saturday, November 9, from 11AM to Noon CST on AM 630 KSLR, or streaming live on www.kslr.com or iheartradio.com.
Its hard to articulate the state of my heart this morning. After hearing the news that justice was served in the trial, that the accused was found guilty on all counts, that vindication had finally come…I must admit I was in shock…it was an unusual mix of elation and sorrow.
Sorrow for the fact that I, under the influence of Sound Doctrine for 12 years, hurt so many people close to me…and all “in the name of Jesus”… Sorrow for those who are still deceived and held captive by the lies of the evil one…and at the same time, elation that this may be the beginning of the end for Sound Doctrine and WinePress, the end of the unrelenting and horrible abuse meted out on the poor, deceived followers of the wolf in sheep’s clothing, Tim Williams.
When I read this devotional this morning, I was struck by this line…”But the sense of triumph must come from the memory of the chain.” And thus the bittersweet feeling lingering in my heart…I too clearly recall the chains of legalism and deception that kept me believing in a lie for so long…and so the sense of triumph is tempered with a serious recollection of my own part in promoting what I now know to be a lie from the pit of hell.
God has taught me a new song through it all, but it came at a great cost to many. As I close this door on my past and walk through the new door God has opened for me, I sing a song of God’s great faithfulness.
Streams in the Desert – May 30
“And no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and four thousand, which were redeemed from the earth.”
THERE are songs which can only be learned in the valley. No art can teach them; no rules of voice can make them perfectly sung. Their music is in the heart. They are songs of memory, of personal experience. They bring out their burden from the shadow of the past: they mount on the wings of yesterday.
St. John says that even in Heaven there will be a song that can only be fully sung by the sons of earth─the strain of redemption. Doubtless it is a song of triumph, a hymn of victory to the Christ who made us free. But the sense of triumph must come from the memory of the chain.
No angel, no archangel can sing it so sweetly as I can. To sing it as I sing it, they must pass through my exile, and this they cannot do. None can learn it but the children of the Cross.
And so, my soul, thou art receiving a music lesson from thy Father. Thou art being educated for the choir invisible. There are parts of the symphony that none can take but thee.
There are chords too minor for the angels. There may be heights in the symphony which are beyond the scale heights which angels alone can reach; but there are depths which belong to thee, and can only be touched by thee.
Thy Father is training thee for the part the angels cannot sing; and the school is sorrow. I have heard many say that He sends sorrow to prove thee; nay, he sends sorrow to educate thee, to train thee for the choir invisible.
In the night He is preparing thy song. In the valley He is tuning thy voice. In the cloud He is deepening thy chords. In the rain He is sweetening thy melody. In the cold He is moulding thy expression. In the transition from hope to fear He is perfecting thy lights.
Despise not thy school of sorrow, O my soul; it will give thee a unique part in the universal song.
“Is the midnight closing round you?
Are the shadows dark and long?
Ask Him to come close beside you,
And He’ll give you a new, sweet song.
He’ll give it and sing it with you;
And when weakness lets it down,
He’ll take up the broken cadence,
And blend it with His own.
“And many a rapturous minstrel,
Among those sons of light,
Will say of His sweetest music,
` I learned it in the night.’
And many a rolling anthem,
That fills the Father’s home,
Sobbed out its first rehearsal,
In the shade of a darkened room.”
Please forgive me for posting those last two articles about the trial…they are totally defiling and don’t build anybody up.
I can see I still have some anger surfacing at the atrocity of it all…but that’s my issue and I don’t need to drag everyone down with me. I apologize for any of you who’ve been exposed to the disgusting recounting of the trial. I’ve deleted them from this blog and my Facebook page.
If anyone wants to keep up with the trial, you can do so at http://www.courierherald.com, but the only thing I’ll be posting after this is the final verdict.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Enumclaw Sound Doctrine Church pastor Malcolm Fraser’s trial begins | King County Superior Court
I am finally starting to write what may well be the most significant work of my life. As you can probably guess, it is about my most recent detour into deception and God’s amazing grace to rescue me, get me back on track, heal, restore, and renew my faith after my near-fatal collision with the pit of hell.
The working title is “Deception’s Open Doors” … Over the last year or so, I have consistently recognized the open doors that had given the enemy access to deceive me, wreaking havoc and devastation in my family and nearly destroying my faith in the One Who saved me.
However, I don’t just want to tell MY story … I want to share other tales of deception and those additional doors that have given entrance to the destroyer.
If you have experienced deception in your life, and have, in hind sight, looked back and learned what vulnerabilities in your life invited the enemy in and enabled you to believe the lie, I would love to hear from you.
If you prefer to remain anonymous in the final manuscript, I will certainly protect your identity in appropriate ways.
It’s the stories I want to share, along with mine, to help others avoid, if at all possible, the painful, tragic results of deception.
Please feel free to forward this announcement or repost on other writers networks or sites.
Thanks in advance for helping me spread the word!
One year ago today, I was delivered out of captivity by a mighty God.
Darkness, oppression and hopelessness had become my new “normal” after twelve years of feeding on scriptures presented out of context with an evil motive to manipulate and control (i.e. intimidate).
Imagine my shock when God’s light pierced my world. Squinting at the brilliance of His holiness, I emerged from a deep pit of despair.
Imagine my amazement to find that what I had grown to believe God to be was a complete lie from the pit of hell.
Imagine my relief to re-learn that God’s grace means there is nothing I can do to make God love me more, or love me less, than He already does.
It’s by no accident that this time of year has national historical significance with compelling spiritual parallels.
First of all, this weekend we celebrate Veteran’s Day with those we honor who’ve fought to defend our freedom and lived to tell about it.
Not only did many of my friends and loved ones fight in prayer on my behalf while I was trapped in captivity, but I too fought the war for my soul, and praise God, survived and now live to tell about it.
Another historic occasion that occurred over the 9th and 10th of November was the fall of the Berlin wall. My Facebook friend Brad Sargent shared this with me:
November 9 is considered the “official” beginning of taking down the Berlin Wall, and there is a photo there from November 10th of people WALKING through the infamous Checkpoint Charlie, to experience the freedom of the West. It still took time for a complete dismantling to occur, but the way to freedom had been irrevocably opened …
There’s been much dismantling occurring this past 12 months, and I’m quite sure there is more to come…but the way to my freedom, as well, has been irrevocably opened and I look forward to complete healing and restoration in my future.
How fitting it was that last weekend, as I attended a church service with some very special friends, that a woman quoted a scripture that sliced my heart like a razor-sharp knife.
Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. (Jonah 2:8)
This is a scripture that the cult convinced me to wield as a weapon with which to bludgeon my firstborn son. Since he refused to throw his new bride under the bus (you know, “hate his wife” like Luke 14:26 says he has to do) and come and join the cult with us, he was clearly clinging to a worthless idol (his wife), and forfeiting the “grace” that could be his.
How freeing it was to realize, sitting in that church service last Sunday, that it was really I who was clinging to the worthless idol of Sound Doctrine and the false shepherd that I allowed to become my Holy Spirit. It was I who was forfeiting the grace that could be mine!
This is the kind of revelation that hurts and heals at the same time.
What a joy it is to have the Lord continue to undo every scripture wrongly applied in my life.
May I continue to be soft-hearted enough to allow Him to keep showing me more and more of His true goodness and faithfulness in exchange for the lie I believed for so long.
I had a melt-down of sorts a few days ago. A strange mix of emotions that included depression, profound sadness, and a bit of despair. I originally chocked it up to an adrenaline crash after my whirlwind of travel to Dallas and Branson, but I’ve come to realize it really was much more than that.
Today marks my 11 month anniversary of leaving the Christian cult I was trapped in for 12 long years, and as I consider the past months, I am reminded how important anniversary dates can be. In fact, I used to teach veterans and their family members all about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and how things in the environment, as well as the anniversary dates of prior traumatic experiences, can trigger in the present, unwanted emotions and memories.
I started thinking back to what was happening in my life around this time of the month in October of last year, and was shocked to remember that it was one of the most stressful experiences I had endured, as the “Tax Oversight Committee” had finally finished their work and ominously commanded my presence in the WinePress offices. Under scrutiny of no less than 5 other people, I filled out the tax forms for the first quarter of 2010. I was bullied and intimidated into filing my own business taxes (I wasn’t allowed to have a CPA review them for me or get any outside advice at all), and on top of that I was not allowed to even keep a copy of the forms I’d filed. My income was right around $1500 a month and my tax liability was adding up to over $50,000 due to the capital gains that were calculated (even though I only received $10 in exchange for my 3.5 million dollar business!).
It was truly the most bizarre experience I’d ever experienced in my life, and all the while I was being manipulated into taking responsibility for tax liabilities that were not even mine to assume. And all in the Name of God. Every move I made was condemned, criticized, and demonized by the very people who I now know to be wolves in sheep’s clothing. One man for years had covered up his own sexual perversion and sick attraction to and vile abuse of little girls, and another who knowingly covered up his crimes. Not only are these men the “spiritual leaders” of Sound Doctrine, but those who manage what continues to be deceitfully promoted as a “Christian Publisher”, WinePress Publishing.
How kind and merciful it was for God to allow me to discover the full extent of the evil and wickedness that reigned in the midst of Sound Doctrine a little at a time. It was shortly after I left that I found out what was done to me with the supposed “sale” of my business to the cult was completely fraudulent and a gross violation of spiritual authority, but then it was five months after I left before I found out about Malcolm Fraser being a pedophile. I honestly don’t know if I could have emotionally handled learning all of it at one time, so God had to spoon feed the revelation of the extent of the abuse and profound evil over a period of time.
So, should I be surprised at my recent emotional roller-coaster, mostly downward? I think not. When I consider the level of stress and trauma I endured last year at this time, along with the ongoing grieving God is having me work through, and the amazing restoration that God is continuing to work in my life, it’s clearly remarkable that I haven’t been in worse shape than I am. In fact, it is astonishing that I’m not, after all I’ve been through, locked away in a mental hospital.
My God has taken a horridly abusive and traumatic experience and turned it around to glorify His name in countless ways. Not only does He continue to encourage others as I walk through my healing journey with Him, but I heard only yesterday that one young man who was trapped by the cult for the last six years finally escaped just a month ago, so I can only praise Him that one more captive has been set free. The exciting part is that this young man was one for whom my friend Cindy Scinto consistently received visions from the Lord about and was urged by Him to fast and pray for him to break free from the horrific abuse he was under in Sound Doctrine.
I continue to pray for the rest of those in bondage, especially my own grandchildren, one of whom is also a victim of the sick pedophile Malcolm Fraser. I pray that they soon will have their spiritual eyes opened and have the courage to walk away from the insanity before it’s too late.
Today marks 10 months since God opened my eyes to the deception I’d lived under for 12 long years.
It has been an amazing journey of having literally every scripture that I’d been taught out of context righted in my heart and mind.
The biggest delusion I believed in Sound Doctrine was that my salvation was at risk, and that there was more I had to do to earn it, namely whatever Tim Williams determined was God’s will for my life.
Believing this allowed him the ability to manipulate and control my entire life based on fear.
A close second was that unity with the brethren means you never question any decision or action taken by “the man of God”.
Believing this allowed the leadership in Sound Doctrine to do as they pleased without any consequence on their part.
As I sat in church yesterday and listened as Pastor Ross shared scriptures on unity in the body, it was so refreshing to hear the scripture being preached IN CONTEXT and in a way that builds up believers rather than tearing them down.
And this morning I opened my devotional, Jesus Calling, and I am reminded again that He is always available to me…that once I have trusted Him as Savior, He never distances Himself from me…any distance I feel is just that, a feeling, not to be confused with reality.
Looking back at who I became in those 12 years is sobering. I went from a strong, successful, business owner to one who allowed my emotions to be influenced by a master manipulator, all in the Name of God, leaving me second guessing God’s voice, His plan for my life, and His will for me.
They say a picture’s worth a thousand words. Below you can see the reality of how I was robbed of the joy of my salvation by a wolf in sheep’s clothing. How easily I was deceived because the wolf quoted so many scriptures and “seemed” so godly. But scripture is clear that Satan masquerades as an angel of light…and wasn’t it the Father of Lies who used scripture to tempt Jesus? How true it is that if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is! You can see it in my eyes…the depth of the darkness I believed was enormous.
I am eternally grateful for a faithful God who, ten months ago today, opened my darkened eyes so I could see, gave me the courage to admit that I had been duped, and has since been restoring all that the locusts had eaten.
It was the day I decided to fast from Facebook for a week. My youngest son showed up later in the afternoon and proved to be a wonderful distraction from the withdrawal symptoms I experienced. He mentioned something that really stuck with me…how people go on trips and spend their whole time taking pictures and posting to Facebook instead of just experiencing the beauty and actually being “in” the moment.
That really got me to thinking about how much I miss in my relationships when I am busy taking pictures and posting them with some witty comment. I also had to ask myself how much I really appreciate the moment I am in, the person I am with, the conversation I am having, whether in person or on the phone…or am I thinking in the back of my mind, Ooooohhhh, that would be great to post!
This is so good for me to ponder…especially today. It’s been exactly nine months since I walked away from the most abusive and degrading “church” experience of my life. It takes nine months to grow and birth a baby, so I asked the Lord this morning what it is that has been growing inside me for these last nine months, and is now ready to be “born” in my life.
I felt Him impress upon my heart the word “relationship.”
Before the cult I struggled with being a workaholic, and valuing things over people. After my successful stint (by the world’s standards) in network marketing, I realized all along I had it all backwards. Instead of loving people and using things, I’d been using people and loving things.
Then during my 12 years in the cult I found myself keeping most everyone at arm’s length. Of course, as it turned out, this was a serious defense mechanism to attempt to keep from getting hurt, although they did a pretty good job of destroying me emotionally and spiritually over those years.
So here I am today, learning how to be a real friend to some pretty amazing people. Learning how to be a Mom to my boys and a Yiayia (Greek for Grandma) to my grandkids. Learning how to value the moment I am in with the person in front of me. Loving people instead of judging them or using them. Letting them in rather than pushing them away.
Thinking back on a sermon from a few weeks ago when Pastor Roger preached on No Risk, No Reward, I realized there’s a risk here, because I’ve been so trashed in the past, I could get hurt again, and probably will, since people aren’t perfect. I had to think that through and ask myself some hard questions. Do I want to open myself up to the chance of more pain, more devastation, and more emotional upheaval? Well, no, not really. Who would answer yes to that? But the more I pondered and asked God to work in my heart, the easier it was for me to take a step forward. I have determined that the reward is worth the risk. The reward of having true friendships, authentic relationships…without walking on eggshells or always wondering what the other person is really thinking but being too afraid to ask.
I wondered how all of this translated over to my relationship with the Lord, since I’ve been making a point to spend extra time with Him during my Facebook fast. As I watched the last nine months in movie form before my eyes, I saw how much I risked in being willing to trust Him after all that I’d endured. But with that risk came reward…the restoration and renewal that He has worked so far, and is continuing to work, is an amazing work of a loving Father.
So yes, what is being birthed in my life is a new desire to be “in the moment” with people…to be present, not distracted by social media or other enticements. To risk allowing people into my heart so that, through these rich life experiences, He can teach me to go deep with Him.
It’s an amazing parallel there, what He works in our relationships He also works in our relationship to Him.
Wow. What a good God.