This is Going to Take Some Time

Last week I spent some time doing the final cleaning of the house I lived in for the last few years.

It was quite the challenge to remove the leftovers of the carpet tape on the Pergo flooring.

I figured applying Goof Off and letting it sit for a while would make my clean up easy and fast. I guess I had an image in my mind of the way oven cleaner works. Spray on, walk away for a few hours, and then come back to find it all clean with just a little dust to wipe out.

NOT!

The Goof Off took off the top layer, but that was it. I tried using my putty knife to scrape off the rest.

Sheesh! This was going to be a project… I don’t have time for all this mess!

I tried applying more Goof Off, getting on my hands and knees and using a scouring pad to begin removing what’s left.

OK God. This is not going to go the way I planned, is it?

Back to the hardware store for a sharper tool and better adhesive remover.

Squirt on the new stuff. Let it sit for a while.

As I begin scraping with a razor it finally starts to come up, but still not without a fight.

I realized that I was going to be down there for a while, so I had to finally accept it.

It’s still going to take some time to finish this!

Hmmmmm…isn’t this just like my journey? In my typical optimism I am thinking as I deal with major issues in my counseling, and as I get de-programmed and learn again about the goodness of God, the healing should be quick and easy.

NOT!

There are so many layers of pain from the abuse.

And then there are the consequences of bad choices.

How do I reconcile the loss of our family and grieve well? What about the destruction I see in the lives of those I love who have lost their faith in God because of this tragic misrepresentation of God?

Then how do I get to a place of forgiving myself for the deception I led so many other unsuspecting believers into? These were people who wanted to love God with everything!

I’m afraid this is going to take a while.

And it’s not going to go the way I plan.

A friend recently dubbed me “Mrs. Job”… I’ve been thinking about that and it made me think of a fitting scripture:

Job 13:15a
Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him

2 thoughts on “This is Going to Take Some Time

  1. Athena, this is by far the most poignant blog post I’ve seen. So real! It’s when we get to the reality of these questions that Jesus, your Saviour can answer. Awesome to see Him speaking to you so clearly and so soon out of the mind control!

    Love ya,
    Stephanie

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