Wow. It’s been six months that I’ve been free from the insanity I’ve lived with for the last 12 years. Exactly half a year ago I walked away from the most abusive and traumatic time in my life, with little hope of ever regaining a vibrant faith in God.
I still believed, even with all the hypocrisy and manipulation I endured, that I was walking away from God and that Tim and Carla Williams had a special relationship with God that I could never achieve. I had internalized all the judgments and condemnation that somehow I was the “betrayer witch” they labeled me as and they were the “beloved of God”.
How shocked I was to find out so many things pointing to the calculated abuse and Hitler-like exploitation that I’d lived for over a decade. Then to realize that the authoritarian domination and textbook cult mind-control techniques created a fertile ground for pedophile Malcolm Fraser to thrive in a position of authority without Tim and Carla even knowing…that had to be one of the most freeing realizations of my life.
I had not walked away from God. I had walked away from a spiritually abusive organization that thrives on destruction.
I must admit that I still have a hard time not feeling revenge well up inside my heart. Situations come up almost on a daily basis where I fail, feeling good that I am somehow able to do something to stop them and their abusive ways. And then God has to remind me that the battle is not mine, but His, and vengeance belongs to Him.
I’m afraid this battle with anger towards my abusers is going to take a while until it’s finally over. I’m going to have to extend forgiveness over and over and over, regardless of the outcome of the sexual assault trial, and no matter how God chooses to execute judgment on my abusers.
My hope is for those still blinded by the spirit of intimidation and deliberate abuse of spiritual authority. May God open their eyes and give them the courage to humble themselves and admit they’ve been deceived.