Eleven Month Anniversary – Melt Down

I had a melt-down of sorts a few days ago. A strange mix of emotions that included depression, profound sadness, and a bit of despair. I originally chocked it up to an adrenaline crash after my whirlwind of travel to Dallas and Branson, but I’ve come to realize it really was much more than that.

Today marks my 11 month anniversary of leaving the Christian cult I was trapped in for 12 long years, and as I consider the past months, I am reminded how important anniversary dates can be. In fact, I used to teach veterans and their family members all about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and how things in the environment, as well as the anniversary dates of prior traumatic experiences, can trigger in the present, unwanted emotions and memories.

I started thinking back to what was happening in my life around this time of the month in October of last year, and was shocked to remember that it was one of the most stressful experiences I had endured, as the “Tax Oversight Committee” had finally finished their work and ominously commanded my presence in the WinePress offices. Under scrutiny of no less than 5 other people, I filled out the tax forms for the first quarter of 2010. I was bullied and intimidated into filing my own business taxes (I wasn’t allowed to have a CPA review them for me or get any outside advice at all), and on top of that I was not allowed to even keep a copy of the forms I’d filed. My income was right around $1500 a month and my tax liability was adding up to over $50,000 due to the capital gains that were calculated (even though I only received $10 in exchange for my 3.5 million dollar business!).

It was truly the most bizarre experience I’d ever experienced in my life, and all the while I was being manipulated into taking responsibility for tax liabilities that were not even mine to assume.  And all in the Name of God.  Every move I made was condemned, criticized, and demonized by the very people who I now know to be wolves in sheep’s clothing. One man for years had covered up his own sexual perversion and sick attraction to and vile abuse of little girls, and another who knowingly covered up his crimes. Not only are these men the “spiritual leaders” of Sound Doctrine, but those who manage what continues to be deceitfully promoted as a “Christian Publisher”, WinePress Publishing.

How kind and merciful it was for God to allow me to discover the full extent of the evil and wickedness that reigned in the midst of Sound Doctrine a little at a time. It was shortly after I left that I found out what was done to me with the supposed “sale” of my business to the cult was completely fraudulent and a gross violation of spiritual authority, but then it was five months after I left before I found out about Malcolm Fraser being a pedophile.  I honestly don’t know if I could have emotionally handled learning all of it at one time, so God had to spoon feed the revelation of the extent of the abuse and profound evil over a period of time.

So, should I be surprised at my recent emotional roller-coaster, mostly downward? I think not. When I consider the level of stress and trauma I endured last year at this time, along with the ongoing grieving God is having me work through, and the amazing restoration that God is continuing to work in my life, it’s clearly remarkable that I haven’t been in worse shape than I am. In fact, it is astonishing that I’m not, after all I’ve been through, locked away in a mental hospital.

My God has taken a horridly abusive and traumatic experience and turned it around to glorify His name in countless ways. Not only does He continue to encourage others as I walk through my healing journey with Him, but  I heard only yesterday that one young man who was trapped by the cult for the last six years finally escaped just a month ago, so I can only praise Him that one more captive has been set free.  The exciting part is that this young man was one for whom my friend Cindy Scinto consistently received visions from the Lord about and was urged by Him to fast and pray for him to break free from the horrific abuse he was under in Sound Doctrine.

I continue to pray for the rest of those in bondage, especially my own grandchildren, one of whom is also a victim of the sick pedophile Malcolm Fraser. I pray that they soon will have their spiritual eyes opened and have the courage to walk away from the insanity before it’s too late.

14 thoughts on “Eleven Month Anniversary – Melt Down

  1. While I was vaguely aware that you had undergone some tough times, Athena, I had no idea exactly what they were before. Enjoyed chatting with you in Dallas, and I hope Paul’s spirit in Philippians 3:13 & 14 can help to encourage and strengthen you as well!

    • Thanks Rick. I enjoyed reconnecting with you too. It’s funny how often I think of that scripture and want to just move on and forget all of it. But then reality hits and I am forced to revisit it again, forgive again, and heal some more. I will be glad when the court case is over with (currently scheduled for November 8 and in which I have been subpoenaed by both the defense and the prosecution), as that will be a time of closure for many of us.

  2. Athena – you are such a wonder and such an inspiration. I am proud to say I know you!

  3. I’m glad to hear from you in that I was concerned something was awry. It’s easy to fall into a slump as you said yourself. Just because you know this fact and the symptoms doesn’t make you immune though, huh?! That’s why I am a strong proponent of discipline and daily communication with God even when you don’t feel like it. Something about going through the motions has a healing effect. I cannot begin to imagine the pain and regret you must feel for what you’ve experienced. I’m thankful you have been able to work through the intense bitterness and anger that must accompany such deception. God’s power and provision will always be the better path and that is exactly where you are. As the song says “He will make a way.” Every, every time. Keep pressing onward. Your reward is still being established and your prayers of truth are being heard. “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.”

  4. Yeah God! Just like any other PTSD survivor it will take time to work through all of the trauma you endured. One day at a time. So glad He has given you new fruit in your life and a voice to share His good purpose in this.

    • Oh yeah, Ardis! So many amazing spiritual correlations with the things I learned long ago about PTSD and triggers. God is good and I am so thankful for others who also shine for Him as broken vessels.

  5. Breathe grace in. Breathe grace out. Isn’t it wonderful that out loving heavenly Father gives us the words that “There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!” Anniversaries are hard and you will have many more of them and some will hit you out of nowhere like this one did. All you can do is take one day at a time living in HIS grace. You have been blessed to be connected to so many wonderful Christian people and to be part of a good, truly sound, Bible believing church. I so look forward to the day when I can meet you face to face and give you a big HUG! Praying for you as you continue to grieve and heal.

    • Oh Susan, thank you for being the encourager that you always are in my life. I too look forward to the time we get to meet face to face, but until then, we will just live with cyber hugs via Facebook and encouraging one another with the written word. Big hug to you my friend!

  6. I have to remind myself when I am inexplicably depressed that the body remembers what the mind forgets.

  7. Hang in there. Romans 8:28 That’s right…even the bad stuff is for our benefit 🙂

    A reminder to myself as well…this morning I saw a guy wearing a huge SS on his shirt. I came home to do a little research on this subject, and discovered the Marines are actively using this symbol for their scout sniper division. Trouble’s coming, but it’s important to remember it’s according to Yahweh’s plan for His elect.

    Sent from my iPad

  8. Dear Athena, I’ve been trying to find a way to contact you. Here is my facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/prairiebird/activity/4879127375030?ref=notif&notif_t=open_graph_action_comment#!/prairiebird

    If you friend me I will send you my phone number. Here is my current status…

    Robin Somers likes an article on Enumclaw Courier-Herald.

    about an hour ago

    .

    This is the church that my friend grew up in and is planning to go back to.

    Malcolm John Fraser, pastor at Enumclaw’s Sound Doctrine Church, charged with first-degree rape of a child | King County Prosecutor – Enumclaw Courier-Herald

    Malcolm John Fraser, the pastor of Enumclaw’s Sound Doctrine Church, was formally charged Thursday afternoon with first-degree rape of a child…

    Like · · Promote · Share.

    Jayne Otterson Everyday I hear about this sort of thing….yikes….only proves that the system with its manmade leadership is not producing good fruit. Jesus is the head of His Bride…and she needs no other.

    47 minutes ago · Like..

    Robin Somers Jayne, please feel free to repost all over the internet. We love our friend and her family. She’s been one of my dearest these past two years. I cannot begin to tell you the pain and suffering! I’m calling on every believer everywhere to pr…See More

    43 minutes ago · Like · 1..

    Jayne Otterson Go to “Recovering Grace” on fb. and they are all about helping ppl who have been abused. Wow…praying for this situation and reposting.

    38 minutes ago · Like

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