Time for Victims to be Heard and Not Silenced

Last weekend Ross and I flew home from Birmingham, AL and watched two movies on the flight. The Post and The Help. Both portrayed heroic courage in the shadow of intimidation, corruption and racism, and illustrated the power in speaking up, telling the truth, and exposing evil.

Scripture tells us in Ephesians 5:11:

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.

Too often we’ve seen the victims of sexual predators in the church dismissed, not believed, silenced, minimized and shamed. Some have spoken up time and time again and seen no change. Some have just plain given up.

The time has come for those who have been victimized in the church or in church related circles to tell their stories. To be seen. To be heard. To be believed, no matter how well respected the abuser is.

For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household.
1 Peter 4:17a

I have not been the victim of sexual abuse within the church, but I have watched up close and personal the fallout of a respected “pastor” within a religious community (cult) turning out to be a sexual predator and pedophile. And I have watched those who were his “shills” (those loyal to him), defend the abuser and shame the victim.

I have experienced toxic spiritual leaders who used their power and authority to manipulate, silence, and abuse their flock. Using scripture out of context (no discipline seems pleasant at the time, don’t touch God’s anointed, ad nauseum) to justify the abuse.

Well people, this kind of behavior doesn’t just happen in legalistic and twisted Christian cults, it happens in plain sight at Christian writers’ conferences, in children’s church, in places God intended to be safe. Instead, those with evil intent have found it easy to blend in. Say the right words, quote the right scriptures, smile, serve, be caring, earn a position of leadership and power.

Calculating, cunning, and demonic, they take advantage of unsuspecting women and children.

I’m not trying to fear monger or turn us into cynical and suspicious followers of Christ. I’m saying wake up and learn to hear the warnings of the Holy Spirit. Beg God for His discernment. If someone makes you uncomfortable, stay away from them. If you see that creeper acting a little too chummy with someone, begin to dialogue with the possible victim. Ask if anyone asked them to do something they are not comfortable with and suggested they keep quiet about it. Watch their body language. Be a safe person for them to confide in. It just may be the conversation that leads to that predator being exposed.

Do not be shamed into silence if you’ve been the victim of a sexual predator, lest they continue in their shameless and destructive behavior and go on to harm others. Even if it happened a long time ago, it’s never too late to speak up and allow yourself the space to process the pain and humiliation.

I know the pain of being betrayed by those who was supposed to be trustworthy men and women of God. I’ve experienced the way they turned it back on me when I tried to confront the abuse and made me feel like I was the one in sin.

Just remember, the devil quoted scripture out of context to try to get what he wanted. And evil men (and yes, sometimes women) continue to do the same to this day.

Lord, Jesus, I ask that You continue to shine Your light on the deeds of darkness that have been going on for decades within Christian circles across this country. Give us eyes to see and ears to hear TRUTH and give us the courage to stand up and do what is right. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

And to the guilty ones, those predators who might be reading this, mark my words:

What you have said in the dark will be heard in the light. What you have said in a low voice in a closed room will be spoken with a loud voice from the top of houses. (Luke 12:3 NLV)

How Could I Have Missed It?

I have finally been connecting the dots on an issue that has caused me great distress since I first heard of it. Early this year I was on faculty at a Christian writer’s conference where they had faculty sign a document that outlined appropriate behavior. Some of the requirements were so extreme that I was shocked we had to be told not to do them.

Come to find out the reason the document was created was because each of the unacceptable behaviors had been displayed and conferees had been victimized at Christian writers’ conferences across the country.

What saddens me is that some of the sexual predators exposed have been those I’ve respected and even spoken highly of. How can that be? How could I be so blind to the true characters of some of these peers?

Chatting with another faculty member this morning who’s experienced some of this abusive behavior, she asked if I’d seen the similarity in the predatory behavior that’s coming to light with my own spiritual abuse and betrayal. I’m so glad she suggested the connection as it provided me an opportunity to see the parallel and begin to process.

The trait in these abusers is one that dates to my time in the cult with evil leaders who were cunningly adept at quoting scripture out of context to make sure you never questioned or challenged them. At the same time, they surrounded themselves with those who never saw their dark side. These “shills” were Christians who loved God and endeavored to walk out the Word of God. They gave the abusers credibility. And they defended them when they were exposed.

The definition of “shill” from Dictionary.com is:
A person who publicizes or praises something or someone for reasons of self-interest, personal profit, or friendship or loyalty.

Being manipulated in this way by someone with evil intent is the height of betrayal. To realize that I praised some of these abusers has been a real trigger for me and I’m still dealing with the emotions.

Lord, how can we protect ourselves against sexual predators who would hide within Christian circles, surround themselves with credible people, and take advantage of vulnerable women?

What red flags are there that we should watch out for?

Judgment Coming to the House of God

5 years ago, I saw God shut down a pedophile who used his position as an associate “pastor” to serve his own sick ends with young girls whose parents were part of the Sound Doctrine cult. Even though many cult members declared his innocence, the testimony of one victim put him away for 18 years. That final verdict began to restore my faith in our justice system.

Then not long ago, the #MeToo movement began to make waves across America as women stood up and broke their silence about the sexual harassment and abuse they’d experienced.

Seeing justice served with a sexual predator like Bill Cosby and Larry Nassar proved that high profile abusers will, sooner or later, be found out, exposed and sentenced. It may be here on earth, and if not, it will be before the judgment seat of God, but it also began to raise awareness of the criminal attitudes towards victims of abuse by those who turned a blind eye and even covered up for the abuser.

To then see the #MeToo movement give courage to those who would stand up against Dr. Paige Patterson’s involvement in sending battered wives back to their abusers and silencing rape victims on his college campus, at the risk of losing their jobs … I began to thank God for exposing the fruit of the twisted mentality. An attitude that one in a position of leadership like Dr. Patterson could use to intimidate those in his employ to keep silent and not question or criticize blatant sinful behavior, with the threat of job loss.

That’s the mentality and culture that offers a breeding ground for predators. I saw it first hand in the cult, where you couldn’t question leadership or point out anything unbiblical for fear of being humiliated and disciplined for having a bitter root and gossiping. There’s nothing new under the sun when it comes to people who want to use others for their own personal benefit and use intimidation and scripture to get away with it.

Some have said judgement has come to the house of God, and rightly so. As one friend said, too bad it took the world championing the #MeToo movement in order for the church to start addressing what’s been happening for decades in her midst. Sad.

However, I’m hopeful that those courageous souls who’ve endured shaming, shunning, and ridicule for speaking up will not weary of doing good. Their courage gives other victims the strength and permission to speak up. A good day for righteousness, but a bad day for all those abusers out there who thought their intimidation could keep their sinful behavior swept under the carpet for good.

Not gonna happen. More to come, I’m sure of that.